I hate being detached from the field. Yes, this is going to be one of those open and honest entries. You don't live in a bubble and neither do I. However, I seem to work in one these days. Its me, a desk, a computer screen and endless phone calls, emails, reports, paperwork, and meetings. Since when did being a missionary stop being about reaching a lost world? At least that's how I feel. I love the world. Its dirty and tangible and it scrapes your knees when you fall down. Being attached to a desk in an office with Christian co-workers, working on church projects for church people creates a warped view of reality. Its sterile and has a completely different set of problems from the outside world; problems that seem petty when compared to the suffering brought on by sin. I sit bathed in the dim light of the computer screen and wonder how dim my light has become as a result. I know that I could walk outside and not lose count of my steps before encountering a person that needs Christ. This knowledge eats away at me constantly during the day. Much of my time with God is spent asking for the wisdom to make decisions that will bring balance to my day. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to have the opportunity to help churches reach their communities. I know how important it is and I pray that they will see an abundant harvest as a result of their efforts. It really is exciting stuff. But, I know how I'm wired and what drives me. I love the way God made me and I desire to honor Him by not squandering that which He has given. I know a time is coming when I can trade in my desk for beautiful feet. Until then, I will honor God through obedience and determination to do my square peg best for Him in this round hole. After all, its not about me.
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